I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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