Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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