I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
