oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
