i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
