That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
