There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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