That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
