I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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