Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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