Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
