my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
