you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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