Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
