You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Swine flu. Run for my life!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize