It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
