Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
