"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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