i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
