wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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