she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
