Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
