just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
