You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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