I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
