yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
