I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
