I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
