I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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