Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
