Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
