you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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