And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
