Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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