We won't sleep together?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
