You're completely useless in the revolution.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
