i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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