You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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