ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
