I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
