You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
