Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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