All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
