my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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