Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
