we're blogging at a bar
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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