Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
