rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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