I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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