i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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