The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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